Iris Speaks

If you follow these simple rules, we will make your life enjoyable beyond belief. We are totally dedicated to our families and will put our lives first to protect our owners. Our needs are simple, just the basics will do, thrown together with lots of love. We are sensitive, caring little pets, who only desire to please our masters. Once you accept us into your life--we're yours forever. We aren't those "crazy little black devils"--we have a unique personality that just needs some basic understanding.

1. When I am acquired please refrain from naming me Skip, Skippy, Skipper or Scooter. These names are not original and do not properly represent my true being.

2. Never let anyone call me porky, pudgy, hefty, sturdy or fat.  I was born with this body shape.

3. Do not let anyone get away with calling me a pot bellied pig--remind them that I have more hair than those little critters.

4. Remember that I am a person, too.  You must, at all times treat me like any other member of the family.

5. Do not complain when I leave my hair all over the house. Please remember this is the primary reason why I am so beautiful.

6. No less than two daily walks are acceptable. Do not underestimate my physical fitness. I can probably out-walk you and still come home and chase you around the house.

7. I need my own bed and resting place, but when I decide to use yours, do not attempt to remove me or else serious snarling will result.

8. I require an assortment of squeaky and chewy toys, including balls, stuffed animals and pigs ears, that can be transported by mouth to any room in the house. Owner participation is desirable for at least 30 minutes a day to keep me entertained and content.

9. I was born to ride -- any mode of transportation is acceptable, but my preferences are:

   • CARS---Air conditioning vents must be functioning at all times. A window must be available for visibility or a quick breath of fresh air.

   • BICYCLE BASKETS---A soft cushion and a deep basket makes for an enjoyable ride around the neighborhood (3 mile minimum). Mall parking garages are an acceptable substitute on major holidays.

   • SHOPPING CARTS---I thrive on taking a cruise around my favorite pet store, Petsmart. It's my favorite kind of grocery shopping.

10. Do not attempt to remodel your home without first conferring with me.  I need to have order and do not like to have things rearranged.

A Few Additional Commandments

1. Do not force me to be overly social with the rest of the dog community.  I am very protective by nature and don't always relate well to my four legged friends.

2. A closed door is my worst enemy.  Keep it cracked so it is easily pushed open by my ever curious nose.

3. Do not attempt to sit and read or perform any other leisurely activity without having at least one hand in motion on me at all times.

4. Rapid hand motions and sudden noises are a no-no.  I am a peace loving animal.

5. Do not be alarmed when my head is buried in your shopping bags.  My keen curiosity overtakes me, and I can't help myself.

6. When I'm stretched out "froggy doggy" style, (tummy flat on ground, back legs outstretched), please do not attempt to sweep the floor with my tummy--this is not amusing.

7. During the hot summer months, accessibility to ceiling or floor fans is desirable at all times. (DO NOT block my breeze.)

8. Do not forget me around the holidays.  A girl can never have too many toys.

9. Some of us may exhibit more "devilish" traits than others-- As long as I have my toys and don't get bored I usually manage not to eat "non food" items.  Since this can be hazardous to my health--please take this as a warning.

10. Now we come to the most important aspect for my well being--FOOD.  I like it hard, soft, dead or alive, but most importantly, plenty of it!

Send me comments on this page!
Melodymaker@worldnet.att.net
Costa Mesa, CA